posted on: Tuesday, November 12, 2013
Recently my funks have been brought on by the blogging world. It is such an amazing industry full of pretty images and seemingly perfect lives. But deep down I cannot help but feel like I am feeding into the mean girls. In this sense I do not actually even mean a person or people. I am talking about the mean blog world that is, deep down at its roots, superficial. Right? I love blogging and I love reading other blogs. I love being inspired by others, but recently it has left me feel conflicted and bad.
And then it hits me. The funk and my inner mind starts having conflicting conversations. Conversations that go something like this:
oh, I want that.
And its on sale! Score.
Omg that is the cutest bag ever, I must have.
Click. Buy. Done.
Sweet, that is just the jacket I have been looking for and neeeeeding.
now press repeat.
Then the follow up convo begins....
why am I focusing on this? I could have just fed 5000 tiny bellies with the amount of money I spent on that chair.
I am a christian. I am supposed to be like Jesus and making each day of my life a mission to do just that.
not focusing on the things of this world?
what happened to storing up our treasures in heaven?
It looks like I have been storing up A LOT of treasures down here on earth.
when was the last time I read my devotional because I can certainly tell you the last three things I bought on line today.
I get caught up. I do. Then I feel bad. Really bad and the funk rolls in.
I was reading A CUP of Jo's post written by a mother who had a still born child. I was in tears. Boo-hooing alone in a corner kind of tears. My heart broke for this woman and all women suffering and struggling with the loss of a child, infertility, etc. Whether that child was born and lost, not ever born, wanting to be born...whatever it is, it breaks my heart. And it also reminds me of what is important. It is not my blog. It is not what I have or own. It is my people. My husband, my son, and my family. It is my health.
I like to think I am a very grateful person. I pride myself on it actually. I am so blessed that it is silly. But really, sometimes, I act like I am the furthest from grateful and I have let this new age of Pinterest and blogging take over. It makes me question why I do it, why I like it and why I want to keep doing it. It makes me wonder if it is pulling me away from what is really important in life.
But on the flip side, I love being a blogger. I absolutely love it and I appreciate the lovely responses my blog has received. I have met some of the sweetest friends for life that I have ever known. And for the most part, each blogger I meet is just as sweet as as the next. I love blogging. I really do. So for now, I will keep on keeping on because I am grateful for my blog.
I can promise you that I will be struggling frequently with these conflicting conversations in my head. They are conversations that even if I did not have a blog, I would be having with myself because I have struggled with the conversations for a long time. Am I here on this island alone or does anyone else ever struggle with this notion? Anyone? If not, someone please send me a lifeboat of advice!