FUNK

posted on: Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Do you gals ever get tired? Like really tired. Not necessarily sleepy tired, just tried of...well, being? I get in a funk sometimes and it can seem daunting to get out. My "perfect" life just gets overshadowed by a big ole gray funk. Darn you funk! Sometimes it is fleeting and lasts for just a few minutes. And other times it stays around a little longer.

Recently my funks have been brought on by the blogging world. It is such an amazing industry full of pretty images and seemingly perfect lives. But deep down I cannot help but feel like I am feeding into the mean girls. In this sense I do not actually even mean a person or people. I am talking about the mean blog world that is, deep down at its roots, superficial. Right? I love blogging and I love reading other blogs. I love being inspired by others, but recently it has left me feel conflicted and bad.

And then it hits me. The funk and my inner mind starts having conflicting conversations. Conversations that go something like this:

oh, I want that.
And its on sale! Score.
Omg that is the cutest bag ever, I must have.
Click. Buy. Done.
Sweet, that is just the jacket I have been looking for and neeeeeding.
now press repeat.
Then the follow up convo begins....
why am I focusing on this? I could have just fed 5000 tiny bellies with the amount of money I spent on that chair.
I am a christian. I am supposed to be like Jesus and making each day of my life a mission to do just that.
not focusing on the things of this world?
what happened to storing up our treasures in heaven?
It looks like I have been storing up A LOT of treasures down here on earth.
when was the last time I read my devotional because I can certainly tell you the last three things I bought on line today.

I get caught up. I do. Then I feel bad. Really bad and the funk rolls in.

I was reading A CUP of Jo's post written by a mother who had a still born child. I was in tears. Boo-hooing alone in a corner kind of tears. My heart broke for this woman and all women suffering and struggling with the loss of a child, infertility, etc. Whether that child was born and lost, not ever born, wanting to be born...whatever it is, it breaks my heart. And it also reminds me of what is important. It is not my blog. It is not what I have or own. It is my people. My husband, my son, and my family. It is my health.

I like to think I am a very grateful person. I pride myself on it actually. I am so blessed that it is silly. But really, sometimes, I act like I am the furthest from grateful and I have let this new age of Pinterest and blogging take over. It makes me question why I do it, why I like it and why I want to keep doing it. It makes me wonder if it is pulling me away from what is really important in life.

But on the flip side, I love being a blogger. I absolutely love it and I appreciate the lovely responses my blog has received. I have met some of the sweetest friends for life that I have ever known. And for the most part, each blogger I meet is just as sweet as as the next. I love blogging. I really do. So for now, I will keep on keeping on because I am grateful for my blog.

I can promise you that I will be struggling frequently with these conflicting conversations in my head. They are conversations that even if I did not have a blog, I would be having with myself because I have struggled with the conversations for a long time. Am I here on this island alone or does anyone else ever struggle with this notion? Anyone? If not, someone please send me a lifeboat of advice!


13 comments:

  1. Love your honesty here, Morgan! You have such a sweet heart & I think it says a lot about you that you even recognize this inner struggle & are willing to share it. I always enjoy reading your blog & seeing precious pictures of you & your little man!

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    1. Reminded me of a post I recently read - maybe it'll be an encouragement :)
      http://biblicalhomemaking.blogspot.com/2012/08/letting-go-of-your-dream-house.html

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  2. I hope this wasn't because of our conversation on Sunday haha! I totally agree with you - it can definitely leave you wanting more and wondering why you don't have the same things others do. But just do you - you're a great writer with an amazing blog!

    The Style Scribe

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  3. i love you morgy! i get in funks like whoa. totally relate. and the internet is a double edged sword for sure... we have everything at our fingertips! buuuut also.... we have everything at our fingertips. but with my funks, personally, i know if it's not one thing it's another, ha! also, think of all the good that's come of your blogging!!!! creativity, friendships!!!! ;) ;) ;) :* that's the maaaaj upside!!!!!

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  4. i have basically the same post in my head but don't even know how to tackle it. it is a major battle in my head too. No words of advice but i can say i am right there with you and echo this whole post. and i second you and third britt - friendships that are HUGE treasures have come into my life because of blogging.

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  5. oh! and that picture is theeeee cutest of you and W

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  6. I love this post! It's so meta :) Thinking about thinking-- blogging about blogging {and what comes with blogging-- the feeeelings, the expectations, the let downs} Just the fact that you are willing to address such a topic shows great character and honesty!
    I know just what you mean about being able to get sucked into the world inside of our computers-- it's an escape, and can easily give a false sense of perfection, and a false sense of control.
    But with a baby at home, we're lucky bc one slobbery kiss from that tiny little person can be so grounding :)
    XO!

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  7. Morgan! Your blog is so cute. And re: this post, I totally commiserate on funks. And it is honestly the reason I don't read many blogs! How can reading them not make one feel bad about oneself in some way? Whether it be because we don't have the clothes, bags, shoes, or the home, or the baby, or the defined arms, or long thick hair or "likes" on instagram! It never ends does it? The comparisons, the turmoil and angst in our head, and the guilt over feeling those emotions. You have captured it perfectly!! I think the important thing is that you remain true to yourself and do what you LOVE. And that's so admirable. At the end of the day, pursuing your passion and having fun is what it is all about.

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  8. morgan you took the words right outta my mouth. thank you for your honesty! i constantly struggle with those same conversations in my head. back and forth i go. i totally agree that i do love all of the good that has come out of blogging. my eyes have been opened and oh the friendships! but i think these funks come along to keep us grounded maybe? or maybe its how we come out of them that keeps us grounded? who knows. all i know is youre not in the alone sister! thank you for the brilliant post and the adoorrrrrrrrrrrable picture of W!

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  9. I just came across your blog and I appreciate you butting this out there. It is very much Fear of Missing out (FOMO) of the blog world. I also read the cup of Jo post and it just dissolved me. I too look forward to reprioritizing what is important.
    Since I am new to your blog I look forward to looking back on past posts and I hope you keep up with it. I love your photography.

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  10. Beautiful post, and beautiful blog. I think most bloggers have gone through a lot of these feelings. Personally, I go through my blog reader on a regular basis and remove the ones that are often posting about 'things', pretty clothes or house items or just…stuff. I do follow a few of the big ones (like Cup of Jo) that have frequent sponsored posts, and I've learned how to delete those pretty quickly. There's nothing wrong with seeing what's out there of course, but I know me, and I've learned that it's better if I just eliminate it. Instead, I follow blogs that talk about their lives, their feelings, maybe pretty pictures, poetry, words….blogs that inspire me. Not inspire me to buy things or check out the latest nail polish color, but ones that inspire me to be optimistic, to live life to the fullest, to be grateful.

    It's a balancing act for sure, and it requires discipline, but it can be done. I love the blogging community, and I don't want to give it up entirely.

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  11. Morgan, I loved this post. I have been feeling the exact same way! So glad I'm not alone. You have just motivated me to make some major changes though! Xo

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  12. I don't generally comment on posts but I am an avid blog reader/admirer, and I FEEL THE EXACT SAME WAY! It is so easy to get caught up in the blog world (even as a reader) and forget about what is really, truly important. I start comparing myself, and thinking the same thing - Oh! I need that jacket! I could wear it here and there, and that skirt would be amazing in my closet! And it never seems to end. Sometimes I feel so lost and alone on figuring out how to enjoy the blogging world and the inspiration it provides but not letting it go beyond that. I now know I am not alone, so THANK YOU for that.

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