TIME

posted on: Tuesday, August 27, 2013




Time. I wish it was a remote. Stop. Hurry Up. Rewind. Pause. Repeat. Fast forward.

I wish I had what it took to really live life to the fullest. To really take in each moment, hold onto it and never let it go. I wish I had an MTV or Bravo crew following us around so that I could watch these sweet days we spend together, fresh and new, 30 years from now. 

I wish my baby boy would never get any bigger than he is right at this precious moment. I wish he was older so I could see what he will look like and what his voice will sound like when he tells me he loves me for the first time. I wish I already had 4 children. But then that means W would be older. Way older. And I want him to stay tiny.

It is hard to handle this new parent thing because I feel like I am constantly anticipating the future and watching him grow while being equally as sad to know that he is no longer an infant. And I feel robbed of that time. At the time I thought I was taking in each moment but looking back I cannot help but feel like I did not cherish it enough. I did not video it enough. You mean to tell me that part of his life is already over?! This is where the time remote would come in handy.

Being present is such a hard thing for me to be. I feel like I am constantly thinking about fast forwarding, hoping to catch a glimpse into the next phase, yet still wishing to rewind and repeat times past. I want to experience what is next for W and his life. The next chapter of our lives. But while doing that I am robbing myself of my present. My future is coming, but my present is a fleeting moment in time. Once it is gone, it is gone and it becomes the past. Just distant memories stored up in the filing cabinet in our brain. And over time I feel like those memories tend to get fuzzier and fuzzier, until they are on the verge of being lost forever. 

But the present is perfect. So why do I so often wish for tomorrow? These are the types of thoughts and desires that have been stealing away my present and I am scared I am going to look up and wonder where the years have gone. Some days I get into bed at night and clinch my eyes tightly before a tear drops out because I think how is this day already over? I want to relive it again and pay attention this time! I could cry just thinking about it. About how fast time is flying. PAUSE. PLEASE let there be a pause button.

All I can and want to do is focus on my present. Because it is perfect and it is shining like new. So instead of wanting there to be a life remote that I could control daily, I am going to step away, pay attention and just press play. Play.

Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. Matthew 6:34


Some reading that has struck a cord...
Intentional with toddlers [Casey is the most beautiful writer I may have ever encountered]
The Day I stopped saying 'Hurry Up'
10 ways to love your kids
Simple ways to be an exceptional dad
and well this stuck a cord because.... YUM
Paleo Mug Cake

2 comments:

  1. i feel like i am reading my own diary right now [except i don't have one]... AND that is my all time favorite verse :) because heaven knows ive needed it haha!

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  2. morgan i love this post! so true. i have a tiny little 4 week old babe and gosh some nights i lay down, completely exhausted and delirious but wishing i had slowed down more that day. the present is so perfect. thankful for that. and i love that verse!

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